Welcome to DC!

What better way to start a new blog than with an end of the year wrap up? 2013 was a big year for us—better than 2012 in my personal opinion. The main catalyst for many events of 2013 came from the big decision from the Supreme Court with regards to DOMA.

Let me take a few steps back to clarify a few things. The repeal of DADT in 2010 protected service members from being kicked out of the military for being openly gay. Many of our close friends thought that when Cort joined the military, we would immediately be afforded all the rights of any other committed military couple. This was, however, not the case at all. Because of DOMA, the military did not recognize any form of gay relationship—even if you had been legally married in a state that allows same-sex couples to marry. This meant that on all of Cort’s military documents he was “single” in the eyes of the military. Now granted, at this time we were not legally married. But it wasn’t even an option for us, and would have had no effect on his application and status in the Navy. 

Cort left for boot camp in the early part of 2012. At that point, we really had no idea when we would actually be living together again in the same house—or same state for that matter. It was with blind faith in our relationship that we believed we would be able to weather the obvious road of difficult separation that lay ahead. I remember those first few weeks quite vividly. Those who know me can tell you I am sometimes an overly emotional person. I think it runs in the family—we are all hyper sensitive to situation, and cry during movies that never meant to solicit tears from the viewer. I cried. A lot. But I also had a full-time job, and had just started stage managing a play. More so, we were living in a very conservative area, where I think many people I knew just didn’t know how to sympathize with a man missing his man—or more likely they didn’t feel comfortable with the situation. 

Boot camp came and went. I survived. Cort Survived. And then Cort was given a special assignment to work with the Ceremonial Guard in Washington, DC. This is where we began to feel the impacts of DOMA. Other guardsman had their spouses and children join them at the guard. I was stuck in Utah, and Cort stuck living in the barracks. Like I said earlier, the military regarded Cort as single so there was nothing for us to do but feel frustrated.

Flash forward again to this past June. There was a case currently being presented to the Supreme Court challenging constitutionality of Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). United States v. Windsor in a nutshell was a lawsuit brought on by the surviving spouse of a legally married same-sex couple who sought to claim the federal estate tax exemption for surviving spouses. Because of Section 3 of DOMA, she wasn’t allowed to claim this on her taxes since the federal government did not consider her to be a “spouse”. I mean, wouldn’t you sue if the IRS wanted you to pay $363,053 dollars if your legal husband or wife died and other legally married couples were allowed to claim the tax exemption and you were not?

I was always talking in the “if’s and when’s” dream language (sometimes to my own detriment), thinking that it would be a much longer time until we would see any sort of legal movement towards equal rights for gay couples, so when the Supreme Court decided to hear the case in March of 2013, I was on edge! This decision was going to decide the future of our military life together, ultimately making it “easier” or letting it continue to be as it was. And of course, they waited the entire month of June to make the announcement. But June 26th came, and so did the decision I wanted to hear. On June 26th, the Supreme Court issued a 5-4 decision declaring Section 3 of DOMA to be unconstitutional.

I already had a trip planned to visit Cort at the end of July, and in the District of Columbia, same-sex couples can legally be married. So while visiting him, we made the necessary arrangements and were married by a man who looked like a chubby Jimmy Neutron in front of the Lincoln Memorial. We had to hire an officiant because the earliest availability for a justice of the peace was in late September. It was nothing short of a great memory: Cort in a green tank-top, and both of us wearing shorts and flip-flops, we had a no-hassle marriage license signing in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

Because of the repeal of DOMA, Cort and I were legally afforded all the rights of any other married military couple. I am now a proud, card-carrying Mr. Military Spouse, and I want to share the excitement with all of you!

I choose to blog now mainly for myself and to officially create some sort of archival history of our journey together as a military family. But I also want anyone who may find interest in my (our) story to follow me as well. What you will most likely see from my blog of “our life together as a military family” is nothing more than a platform to serve the purpose of allowing parents, siblings, and relatives to keep up with things we are doing. Enjoy the ride, and here’s to a fantastic 2014!